SHOULD CHURCH WEDDINGS BE MADE EASIER FOR NON BELIEVERS

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TBE	SHOULD CHURCH WEDDINGS BE MADE EASIER FOR NON BELIEVERS		Lead	[-]
Posts: 16523 Thu, 2-Jul-09 12:40:35 Gamer Chick	Tags : church, wedding, non, believers Church weddings for non-believers. Less than a third of weddings now take place in church - and one bishop reckons that's because churches are too hard on couples who don't go to services regularly. But surely if you want a Christian wedding it must be because you agree with some of the things the church is saying? Does it make you a hypocrite if you don't turn out faithfully every Sunday, but still want to say your vows in front of a vicar? Or maybe you think it doesn't matter how often you go to church - the traditions, the sentiments, even the spirit of the marriage ceremony are still the same? If you got married in church, or you're planning to - or maybe you chose not to - I'd love to hear from you. The Wright Stuff
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birminghamstar		#1		[-]
Posts: 6679 Thu, 2-Jul-09 13:14:12 Faded Prima Donna	if you're a non-believer why bother with marriage at all I think you're a bit of a hypocrite having a church wedding if you don't go to church
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TBE		#2		[-]
Posts: 16523 Thu, 2-Jul-09 13:35:51 Gamer Chick	I can see that people want to book it as a venue to get nice wedding pictures. My first wedding was at a church because there was very little choice in where you could go for a non religious wedding. All the alternatives would have been horrible pictures outside a horrible building. So we were forced to do the ridiculous go to church thing for numerous months before hand because the church in our parish was ugly as fuck and the pretty one wasn't. If it's in your parish you don't have to attend. Making us attend was a total farce and most of the time we were very hung over. The thing is churches are no different to any other wedding business when it comes to it. They charge for everything. So if they want to charge for it all then they should allow you to just show up on the day and have the wedding and be done with it. I would still like to see us be more like the US where they can marry anywhere even if their own gardens or homes. Things have got a lot better and registrars can come out to more locations now. I also don't agree that marriage is only for believers. I'm an atheist and I got married at the Register Office this time and I don't see that not believing in a god or gods should demean the commitment VK and I have made to each other.
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R Lance		#3		[-]
Posts: 1404 Thu, 2-Jul-09 17:24:58	>>>>>>>>>. All the alternatives would have been horrible pictures outside a horrible building. So we were forced to do the ridiculous go to church thing for numerous months before hand because the church in our parish was ugly as fuck and the pretty one wasn't. If it's in your parish you don't have to attend. Making us attend was a total farce and most of the time we were very hung over. <<<<<<<<<<<<br /> Pretty shallow church wedding for pic's [I can see their reasoning.] If a person professes their faith, in a god, they should be allowed access yo church, for marriage, weather they attend or not. Its not the church that should make judgment of that faith, Visit Us At The Pet Page This, That, And The Other "Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves."
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wicca0120001		#4		[-]
Posts: 5838 Thu, 2-Jul-09 19:10:00 Pierced Procrastinator	more and more people are opting out of church weddings, but for me ive always wanted to get married in a specific church at a specific time of year, purely based on personal reasons. i am not religious, i am christened but i dont want to have to attend for a few months beforehand simply to use the venue, i know damn well if that ever turns out to be the case it will not happen in a church and a venue will be choosen. i understand churches are 'gods' place and people who use them understand the meanings conveyed by them blablabla but i dont think penalising those who dont want to believe is fair. ~ Wind Me Up, Watch Me Go, Where I Stop, Nobody Knows !!! ~ ~ Black Labyrinth ~
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TBE		#5		[-]
Posts: 16523 Fri, 3-Jul-09 11:28:00 Gamer Chick	I don't care how shallow it seems to want to have nice pictures to remember you day by. It's exactly why pretty wedding venues are popular. The whole thing when booking a wedding or reception or evening do is what the place looks like. You want a day to remember. The wedding service the vicar performs is not the binding part. There still has to be a signing of the register etc just the same as the any other register wedding. So really it doesn't matter what the wording for the 'I will' bit is. There is far more personalisation possible in a register office wedding although there is a ban on any religious music or readings. Having done both I preferred the secular approach. We could choose the music we wanted and readings and it was far more 'us'. Churches want to increase their income so they need to accept that they will have to marry more of us heathens. What use is it forcing someone to go for a few months in the build up only for them to never attend again. They just need to see it as a means of generating revenue.
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TBE		#6		[-]
Posts: 16523 Fri, 3-Jul-09 11:28:43 Gamer Chick	Thinking about it they could offer a two tier pricing regime. One for members of their church and one for outsiders who only want to use it as a venue. The parishners could get a sort of members discount.
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wicca0120001		#7		[-]
Posts: 5838 Fri, 3-Jul-09 18:29:18 Pierced Procrastinator	i like that idea, people will moan though that non church goers are charged more, but if you really want that then you'll pay it. ~ Wind Me Up, Watch Me Go, Where I Stop, Nobody Knows !!! ~ ~ Black Labyrinth ~
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R Lance		#8		[-]
Posts: 1404 Fri, 3-Jul-09 18:50:13	Church I attend, doesn't charge for weddings, member or not, Don't think they should, There are a lot of good places to hold a wedding outside a church building where Pics an etc can be taken providing good memoirs Visit Us At The Pet Page This, That, And The Other "Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves."
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Annettes Alter Ego		#9		[-]
Posts: 572 Sat, 4-Jul-09 02:39:22 An Englishwoman in Ontario	My wedding was in my local church, where I had gone to Sunday School. I only went to services at Christmas or some other special occasions. It is up to each vicar whether they make people go to services, and some even insist the couple go to marriage preparation classes, which probably isn't a bad thing considering how some marriages don't last five minutes. I have known some pretty village churches, with vicars who insist the couple attend church for a long time beforehand. We just went and heard our bands read. As far as I remember, we had fees to pay for the choir, organist and expenses things like that, it was not very expensive. It is only fairly recently that other venues have been available for civil ceremonies, which I think is nice for people who do not want to get married in church but still want a nice venue. I can appreciate that some very popular/pretty churches will probably make the most of their popularity and not make it so easy to book a wedding there. It would be appropriate that regular church members should get priority
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TBE		#10		[-]
Posts: 16523 Sat, 4-Jul-09 12:09:29 Gamer Chick	R Lance wrote: Church I attend, doesn't charge for weddings, member or not, Don't think they should, There are a lot of good places to hold a wedding outside a church building where Pics an etc can be taken providing good memoirs Once again I will repeat myself. That may be so in America where one can get married anywhere but it is not the case in the UK. There are very few places that don't cost the earth where one can get married and have nice pictures. It has improved greatly over the years but it is still not on a par with the US. Therefore many couples have no choice but to go for the church option if they want nice photographs to memorialise their day. One of my cousins got married in a hideous register office and all they have is pics of them standing outside this ugly monstrosity of a building. It's grim but at the time it was the only local alternative venue to a church. Churches aren't cheap either you have to pay for the vicar's time and the costs of the licence, if you want the choir or any flowers it's extra, if you want the organist it's extra etc etc. If you go for the register office nothing is extra charge. It's also impractical to have to drive miles to some other location with everyone in tow to do wedding pictures elsewhere. You are looking at adding all sorts of extra costs to yourself all because you didn't have a suitable wedding venue in the first place. Impractical and costly. Most churches have a church hall attached to it which they rent out and again at a cost to all. They are a business who get no support from government and have to rely on their dwindling flocks to provide funds for their church restorations etc. I think this is a sensible step to keep getting an income from perfectly willing customers. After all you don't have to go to church to use their halls so why the hell would you need to go to have a wedding there. Religion is on the decline in this country unless we're talking Islam which is on the increase due to the number of immigrants. It's still however a major minority in the country.
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TBE		#11		[-]
Posts: 16523 Sat, 4-Jul-09 12:12:00 Gamer Chick	Annettes Alter Ego wrote: My wedding was in my local church, where I had gone to Sunday School. I only went to services at Christmas or some other special occasions. It is up to each vicar whether they make people go to services, and some even insist the couple go to marriage preparation classes, which probably isn't a bad thing considering how some marriages don't last five minutes. I have known some pretty village churches, with vicars who insist the couple attend church for a long time beforehand. We just went and heard our bands read. As far as I remember, we had fees to pay for the choir, organist and expenses things like that, it was not very expensive. It is only fairly recently that other venues have been available for civil ceremonies, which I think is nice for people who do not want to get married in church but still want a nice venue. I can appreciate that some very popular/pretty churches will probably make the most of their popularity and not make it so easy to book a wedding there. It would be appropriate that regular church members should get priority Having done both church and register it was more expensive to get married in church. But it may depend on your parish etc. I think it is only fair that members of the church should get priority over bookings. Maybe make dates available 18 months in advance for members and from 12 months to everyone else. Although these days you need to give 24 months notice for venues.
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Annettes Alter Ego		#12		[-]
Posts: 572 Sat, 4-Jul-09 16:18:45 An Englishwoman in Ontario	Good grief. you have to plan two years in advance!!! Back in the 80's we decided to go ahead with the wedding in August 83, got a house by December and got married the end of April 84!
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TBE		#13		[-]
Posts: 16523 Sat, 4-Jul-09 16:26:34 Gamer Chick	Venues in particular are hard to find in some areas if you don't plan 24 months in advance. My brother and his now wife struggled to find a Reception venue and everwhere told them they should have started looking at least 24 months in advance. When I got married it was 12 months to get the dates you wanted. Even then it was limited as to what times were left for the wedding itself and the venues were rapidly being booked up. It obviously depends on how big a do you're having and how many guests etc. My first wedding was a bigger do with 75 ish guests for the church and reception. A full silver service sit down meal etc. Second time round was a much smaller intimate affair and we had a private dining room in one of my favourite restaurants. We had a dedicated waitress so it was lovely.
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SHOULD CHURCH WEDDINGS BE MADE EASIER FOR NON BELIEVERS

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